You might not want to fuck me, but you definitely don't want to FUCK WITH ME.

Yeeeeeppppp. In the wise words of Robin Williams. Last night I ushered (random as fuck) for his standup show at Bimbo's. It was very interesting. I love the middle age yuppy ladies who take their ushering job SO seriously. God knows it's the first time they've escaped from slaving across a hot stove in the Marina so far in 2009. Gotta love em. Robin Williams was super funny though. As I gazed across the completely packed room, noticing young people dressed to impress with their friends,... couples on a date night,.... it donned on me that this is what normal people do. Go out and do nice things with people they care about. There is life outside of dark dingy smelly bars. And believe it or not, I have a feeling you can dress up, go out, have a good night and not come home obliterated (if making it home at all.) I had to split from the show right as RW had busted into his shtick about alcoholism. Bummer. I heard a little bit,... so true. Anyways, cheers to doing random things like ushering comedy shows.

In other news, went on the SD/LB/LA business venture. Interesting. I came to some conclusions:
1. I hate tradeshows.
2. I'm not sure that I have any business being a buyer. I really don't give a fuck about wanting these people's products to sell. I'd rather take notes on some of their decent ideas and put my twist on them. Looking around at their shit entertains me for about fifteen minutes tops.
3. Fashion and my future involvement in it really confuses me. I think sometimes, what is the FUCKING point of this? What does this help? Who does this help? Is this struggle worth it? But it's all I know how to do and all I ever wanted,....
4. It was revealed to me that some of my coworkers might be infant boys. Two cocktails deep and they're having the time of their live. Must be nice.
5. Some of my friends back in the LB are alarmingly aloof. And some of my friends in LB have earned 1000 points with me recently. Sometimes you don't know what you had until you've lost it.
6. I learned one more time that I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. It is so FUCKING CRAZY to me how UN-FUN drinking has become to me. My mental insanity surrounding the issue has really sky rocketed. Here we are again starting over,... even though I've done this so many times I feel that for some reason, this particular time I gained a very real understanding of the mental anxiety alcohol gives me. It scares me more than any consequence of a drink could. I have 6 days today.

Upon returning back to work, some major truths have come to surface. After running my thoughts and concerns by many friends, mentors, colleagues and family members, I have come to major business decisions that I feel are the best for the time being. I am somewhat disappointed but I feel at ease. I believe I am doing the right thing. Now I just have to inform the big man,.... this won't be easy.

And in SUDDEN NEWS, looks like I will be heading to the LBC yet again for a possible new endeavor,... I get so confused and twisted up on this stuff,... the questions: where am I supposed to be? Will I regret? What is right for me? Fuck it dude. I am just gonna go with the flow from now on. I want to be happy and successful,... that's it. I want to get more experience in my field and have a job with stability. I want to save some cash, have good friends, be somewhat comfortable,... stay sober. I'm just going to try to turn this over and let the cards fall where they may.

We'll see how that goes.