Sunday, June 13, 2010

Seven Travels.

Oh my. Where to begin. Lets take it from the top.

Friday, first full day in Italia. Blew up my blowdryer. Sparks flew. Explosions occurred. Could've been my head in flames. Rockin' au naturale locks for the duration of this trip. Doesn't get much more atrocious than that. Life goes on. Miss our train to Florence Friday night so we plan B it and grab some bomb Italian food and hit the local pub. The Mom's 51st year of being fully fabulous happened to fall on this day so we had the whole bar singing happy birthday to her. Cute. I played a mediocre game of pool. I always sink em but can't follow through with 2 consecutive sinkers in a row. Some work needs to be done. I get a little inebriated and make friends with some local named Andrea. Bad steeze. Like the worst. No documenting photos unfortunately. Saturday we take 2 on the Florence train ride. Total oven up in these bitches and the trip to Florence is like 4 hours from Pordonone by train. Not the most comfortable hangover. Lots of good graffiti though. Check into our hotel in Florence. Total dirt ball status. The "tenants" before us were definitely ragers. Beds in a frenzy. Trash cans overflowing with cigarette butts. We explore the city, eat delish gelato, see my man The David, attempt to go to this pub crawl but can never locate the other crawlers. Plan B it up again... There's surprisingly NOT pubs all over the place like you would expect, or maybe we just didn't know where to look. We walk for way too long to finally find The Fish Pub full of mostly Americans and some young Italians straight out of Jersey Shore. There is lots of "hopping around" dance moves that I have to strongly fight the urge to catch on video. I refrain. Mosey around Florence for about an hour trying to find Pub #2 with no luck. About to call it quits, two Italian dudes sitting on their stoop holler at me and I ask them for some guidance to the nearest watering hole. They escort us a few blocks, buy me beers and try to talk to me in Italian with very little success on this end. I learn after busting out my Italian translation book (super goob stylie) that Franco's line of work includes "selling things" and Antonio's profession is still inconclusive. We drink heavily and attempt to learn about the lives of these local dudes. Also unsuccessful. But it is confirmed that their favorite movies include "The Scorpion King" and "Gladiator". Epic films guys. P.S... these foreigners call the U S of A "oosa". Get it? Usa.... Oooosa..... Moving forward....Toured Florence today by double decker bus, ate super floppy pizza and bought some bullshit I really don't need. Until next time.

Mom getting wild in Aviano.

video

Grade A Hospitality!


Overlooking Ferenze.


The famous penis.


Not my usual nicotine of choice but when in Rome (or Florence).


Morning in Florence and already hot as shit.


They obviously know whats up.


Pistachio gelato. Delish.


Reppin' shit.


Ayyyyyy, just a month to early.


Random radness.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Let the Madness Begin.

video

So I've ARRIVED. In Italy that is. Major hustle to get shit accomplished before the departure but all is well. Big ups to Mr.RK for the frenzy commute to LAX and of course so much love to Bunny for handling shit for me and the Jan while we're gone. Good friends are hard to come by. Enjoi the documentation of my travels. Shit's bout to get cray crayyy...

Pre-15 Hour Flight....


Post-15 Hour Flight.... Could've looked way more atrocious. Please recognize.


Jan's first time on a Mac apparently. People in close proximity were not pleased.







If you just cannot wait to get home before purchasing a sparkly glass dildo, do not fret. The Munich airport's got you covered.



US Weekly in German.... I think it says "They handle their young!"


My choice poison fully stocked in Munich. I bought a tiny bottle for good measure.


Ain't no Red Room schooner buttttt...


So arrived about 900 hours later in Venice where my sis picked us up from Venice airport.... traveled about 45 minutes to Pardanone where sis stays on her own in a three story bitchin' farm house of sorts. Mind you there are no speed limits that anyone abides by. Death ride. Up this morning enjoying beautiful weather, chain smoking and drinking ridic amounts of coffee... gettin' ready to travel to Florence for the weekend. Pub crawl tonight.... Gonna try to stay off the hard stuff. We all know it does nothing for my basic motor skills. Let's see how Jan fairs. P.S... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!!!!! To be continued.....