Tuesday, January 13, 2009


If that image means anything to you at all, you may feel my pain. THIS SHIT MAKES ME WANT TO STAB OTHERS. I am so irritated that my institute of college education left out the EXTREMELY necessary skills of knowing these fuckin' programs. I am ripping my hair out on the daily trying to figure this shit out. I'm improving by leaps and bounds everyday, but in classic ME style, it just isn't coming together quick enough, I'm not good enough and I want to cry over it almost every day. I DID squirt some (tears, that is) when my boss attempted to tutor me the other night. AGH. I am trying to change my attitude,... I am lucky that I get to learn this through this job. I've wanted to and considered continuing my education by going back to school for graphic design, but this is a small version of that which I don't have to pay for. I should be grateful, but all I can muster is "disappointed" (with myself). I need to learn to give myself a fuckin' break sometimes.

Alas, I'm sure that this is all a result of everything that's going on right now. While some things (and emotions) REALLY suck and leave me holding back tears or not wanting to get out of bed, I am reminding myself that it will pass and things will get better if I keep on this road.

In other news, I made a couple new friends kinda this week at meetings. That makes me happy,... I might not feel like a complete outsider freakazoid soon. Some homies from work are going to paint a couple pieces in my apartment this weekend which I'm stoked about. I feel good about making my house into more of a home. It's been confirmed in my mind that I'm staying here,... I've accepted that, am excited about that, and grateful for that. Things are looking up, I really believe it. Still doing well with the anti-dude campaign,... I've been tempted to dig up some old bones but I am reminding myself that there is a reason I am hesitant and those reasons are legit. I'm feeling generally content with work lately and actually really inspired with design and the possibilities that lay in front of me with that.

Now I need to work on NOT falling asleep on the couch every night,.. I haven't slept in my bed for about a week. Who does that,....?

1 comment:

  1. let me know if you'd like a photoshop tutorial sometime. or illustrator or indesign. i have some videos about it too.