Friday, September 26, 2008

Much To Do About Nothing.

What do you do when you move to a new city and you don't know anybody.

What do you do when you have the social skills of the mayor but you can't seem to work them out to fit the scenario...

What do you do when you love drinking at dive bars but you get off work and can't manage to go to three doors down because you'll be all alone?

What do you do when you wonder if you've made a mistake but know you can't turn back because of pride?

What do you do when you think you might have a problem but can't come to grips with it?

What do you do when you look you're entire life for someone that meets the list of qualifications and you've found so few people to relate?

And what do you do when you know that you have so much to do in your life but don't know how to go about it or where to go do it?

The best solution I have in my 3am drunkin' stooper.........:

. Dont stop. That would be pussy as hell.

.Dont doubt. Every other fuck head can pull rad shit. So can I.

.Stay true. Don't forget these rough times. Don't forget the T.I.... Don't forget the L.B. Don't forget Dinuba and the fact that no gets outta there without a sleugh of kids from different pops' and a rough meth addiction.

.Remember what occupied time at age 5: (drawing and playing piano) and what will occupy time at age 25: drawing and playing. Make something happen. Not everyone has that chance.

. Remember how lucky you are. ....young as fuck.... amazing experiences under thee ol' belt. And time to do the rest of the bullshit later on when I'm worn out and wrinkley.

Appreciate. Possibly the roughest. It's so hard for me. It's SO EASY to look at everything I have going on and disregard EVERYTHING THAT'S RAD and focus entirely on all the things I or my life lack. It's so sick. Seriouslly. It's such a mental illness. I am so fortunate. The fact that I take such extreme advantage of that makes me sick to my stomach.
....and then I hang out with others. And their attitudes and disregard make me sicker-- near death, really.

....are these the angst of being an ambitious/23 or being a schizophrenic/codependent?

1 comment:

  1. so here's my take on things miss...
    one - you are fucking brilliant. it oozes out of your words and the way you write and speak and express yourself. jesus crimeney.
    two - sounds like you are in a funk. i think that just about anybody who up and moved and doesnt know anyone would be in one too. pretty sure when i moved down here all i did was sit in my room at nite for the first 6 months and drunk copious amounts of red wine. from the bottle. while crying. pitiful.
    three - you get what you put into it. right? all the time and effort and passion and flat out elbow grease you are putting into this job and this new life will pay off. fucking karma. always comes back around. just takes a bit sometimes.
    four - i love you. dearly. more so now that you're gone. ha. im pretty sure i knew that you were witty and have amazing social skills and the fact that you described said skills as comparable to the mayor...well, lets just say it made my day. :)