Wednesday, December 24, 2008


This week I embarked on a journey to Southern California with a possible ending that would have resulted in a new chapter. I wanted this to happen,.... or so I thought. I've been torn over the whole thing. Not knowing what to do,... not knowing what the right thing is. Not knowing what will make me happy. Being scared shitless of my own decision making capabilities. As things turned out, the road I attempted to go down was closed. No decision is needed. The decision was made for me. I gave this situation up to the stars and put my trust in the universe that things would go how they are supposed to and I believe that is what happened. On top of all that, I had some realizations on my journey that support the whole situation and how things unfolded.

A friend of mine mentioned yesterday that in his experience he has tried to emulate past portions of his life and has always been disappointed. Basically the moral of the story is that as fantastic as things may have been in the past, in a certain place, with certain people, at a certain age, WHATEVER, it's in the past. It was fantastic, but the chapter is done and will never be back again quite the same way. This really effected me and has given me a new appreciation for my life and its current state. I NEEDED THIS.

New Years Resolution: Just to stay in the moment and appreciate everything in life for what it is. Stop FUTURE FUCKING myself and give myself a chance to succeed and be happy.

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