I don't know how to keep my attitude and my heart at a neutral position. I don't know how to keep my mind completely open and keep my expectations at zero. I had a rough weekend and not in any drastic event, but just in the colaboration of semi-shitty events that occurred, topped off with the lack of productivity that you know kills me.
I feel that I'm quickly losing confidence in myself in every aspect and possibility of it... I don't know why, but it hurts and it's scary. I almost want to say "I wish I could start this all over" but that's silly because at 5 weeks in you can definitely start every single day as it was the first.....
I am so hard on myself but I can't stop being that way.
Ultimately I feel very alone in the world right now and it's the loneliest I've felt in a very long time.
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